we give up all that we know of you,

it's gone.

i guess i'll start with thursday. i went and got my graduation checks cashed and filled up my gas tank for the first time in weeks. i had piano lessons, and they were a joke, as always. i ended up at the bean, and at waffle house after that. needless to say i got home late, but my mom didn't say anything. i didn't stay in the house long, because i ended up going outside and talking to morgan until 4. and once again needless to say, i was completely out of it at school friday.

after school friday i went to the river with 2 people that most of my friends don't like. it wasn't for anyone but me. i needed a breath of fresh air, and some down time and swimming. i needed a break, and i got it. i'm sorry if you don't approve of who i was there with, but if i wanted your opinion i would have asked you. i know the consequences of my actions, believe me.

for some reason i can't remember anything i did saturday except going to the bean with meagan that night.

sunday i went to church with miss kim, and i came home and went next door and hung out over there for a while. i had every intention of working on the treehouse, but that didn't really happen. that night, me and morgan met meagan and mary jo at the dam for a nice little 4 mile walk, all the way across and all the way back.

monday i went to the lake with my family, and miss kim and rachel. i got burned really bad, but it went away, and i ended up getting sick, i guess it was a combination of the fever from my sunburn and my allergies. but anyways, i don't remember falling asleep, i just passed out and woke up this morning at 10.30, i didn't go to school, but i went to the doctor to get an excuse and some allergy medicine.

overall, i've had a really great weekend. i feel completely refreshed emotionally, not so much physically though. i'm sunburned, and my head is all stopped up from my allergies. but i'm getting better. i have two more legitimate days of high school left, and i'm super excited about that.

so stick to back roads that you know,
and why don't you just go home
to where you know you will be loved

we live in a beautiful world

yeah we do, yeah we do

despite all the stress and pointless shit, i lived through the week. i got through my last high school orchestra concert without breaking down publicly. i had a great party in the treehouse after the concert and way too many pictures were taken, but it was fun. and after that denton stayed late and i had a small emotional breakdown about graduation, and about the concert... but it's ok because i got it out of my system. but i ended up only getting 2 hours of sleep that night, and i had to go play the piano accompaniment with the chorus for a competition at carowinds the next day, and i was tired as shit the whole time, but i lived. i ended up going to waffle house with meagan and heather at 11 friday night, which was super fun. it reminded me how much i miss going there all the time. but summer is right around the corner, and we're going to waffle house all the fucking time. seriously there's nothing better than going to waffle house at 2 in the morning with kristen and meagan and cass and spending hours there just talking over coffee and cloves.

saturday night i went over to denton's for tyler's bday party, and i got to hang out with denton and courtney and tyler, and all of tyler's crazy friends, and it was super fun. i ended up staying the night there, but i came home really early this morning, and ended up sleeping until around 2 i think.

good times.

the weekend has never approached any slower

the rest of this week is going to be completely insane. thursday is the orchestra concert/banquet. i have to practice the violin solo for paladio. i have to get together with rachel a few times before the concert to run through the cello duet, which we might or might not play at the concert. i get a slight break from all the insanity, because after the banquet, me and meagan are sortof planning a party in the treehouse that my mom doesn't know about yet... i have to practice this song called kyrie, because i'm playing the piano accompaniment for it with the chorus... on friday... at carowinds... for a competition. yeah, i'm real nervous about that. oh, and to top all of that off, i have to go to a "family reunion" type of thing on saturday, and i wish i was kidding.
so... paladio, duet, kyrie. i'm incredibly stressed out right now.

so may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten

it hurts to have the truth exposed.

those nasty little family secrets that nobody talks about, are better left alone. i'm sure there's more that i don't know, but i don't want to know. just this is almost too much. i don't plan on telling them that their secrets aren't secret anymore. they don't need to know, and i don't need to talk to them to get any closure. i have all the closure i need regarding this. does the truth really set you free? i don't think so. the truth hurts. it tears you apart, and it stings. some things are better left unsaid, and untouched. i'm not surprised at all, i'm just hurt. i've been in the dark about this ever since it surfaced three years ago. i never asked anyone about it, and it never came up. i just tried to tell myself that she was so drunk that she didn't know what she was talking about. i was drunk too, but i remember. you don't forget something like that very easily, no matter how out of it you are. i thank god i have you two that i can confide in about anything, including this. and i'm glad you're not going to tell them that i know. that will surface in good time. i'm just wondering when, or if, they were planning on telling me about this.