I'm dreaming

of a white Christmas...

This has by far been the most eventful Christmas I've ever had. I've felt every emotion there is and all for different reasons. I've gone from being apathetic yesterday about the whole holiday, and not being in the Christmas spirit, to feeling genuinely sick for how corrupt everything has become. I've spent time with people who are family but not friends, and people who are so close to me that they basically are family. Family in a good way. I've felt greedy and spoiled, and been humbled. I've been brought to the verge of tears knowing that some of my really close friends are spending Christmas alone, not with family or friends. And knowing that I can't be with them because I'm spending time with my own family. I've felt really small the past few days because of the multitude of emotions that have consumed me. I haven't really had time to sit and contemplate, or talk to anyone about any of this. I spent my Christmas Eve with family who are distant from me, feeling like an outsider in my own grandparent's house. These are people who can't tell each other 'I love you' without feeling awkward. After that, i was somewhat depressed. After opening presents at the house this morning, we went to my other grandparents house, which is on the whole other side of the spectrum. We ate really good food, and talked a lot. Grandma read the Christmas story out of the bible to all of us, like she always does. And everything felt perfect then, in that one moment. I've received more gifts than I deserved, and been humbled by it, because I didn't really get a whole lot of anything, and I know that there are a lot of people who got less for Christmas than I did. All this is too much, I need simplicity right now.
I've learned a lot this Christmas season, and I continue to be humbled by it. Every Christmas, receiving presents have meant a little less to me, and spending time with the people I love has meant a little more. I'm growing to realize that no matter who you are, Christmas should be about family and friends, and spending time with the people you love. Gifts are nice, and I appreciate everything I received, but I'm more thankful for the time I've gotten to spend with my friends and family. I've spent time with close family, and even closer friends. Tonight I went to waffle house with Meagan, Cass, Josh, and Haydn. I'm growing to love these kids more and more each day, and they're becoming big parts of my life. These are the people who I live with. I live day by day, hanging out with them, and spending time with them. It's almost too good to be true. I love my friends more than anything, and I wouldn't change them for the world. I'm genuinely content where I am right now. I feel alive, and loved, and infinite, more often than not, and that's a good feeling.
I live for this, to live, love, and be loved.
I live for these moments.
I couldn't have asked for a better experience than the one I've had this Christmas. I hope I never forget it, and I hope I never forget that above everything, love is what Christmas boils down to,
and recognizing the people who mean the world to you.