it's a great feeling to know

that all of the shit we've been through together has left us with such an irreplaceable friendship.

i had possibly the most meaningful conversation of my life tonight. actually, beyond a shadow of a doubt, it was the most meaningful and helpful, and uplifting conversation i've ever had.

the past has such a strange power to control the present. it can haunt us, and leave us in such a depressed state of mind, or it can be used as such a great tool to help us move forward to bigger and better things. i've been in both situations, and i have to say, that i'm glad that the latter is where i am now, and am choosing to be in the future. i've been controlled by my past before, and found that it's no way to live my life. dwelling on past relationships, or past circumstances, or all the "what if's" that the past tries to throw at us, is a sad situation to be in. i've been there, and i've done some pretty stupid things to try to get rid of or forget my past, but i'm at a different place in my life now.

now i look back at my past in such a different manner. i'm so glad that i'm at a point in my life, where i can look back at things that have happened, and some not so great choices that i've made, and realize that they have shaped me into the person i am today, and that they've left me with such amazing friends, and opened up so many great opportunities for me. i see the person i could be right now, and the situations i could be in, and by that i appreciate all of the good and bad times that have brought me to this point.

i'll look back, with honor
and no regrets
i won't be mad, won't feel bad
these memories will never leave me
don't be sad
cause life goes on, life goes on
it's getting too late
tomorrow is here

i've come so far from the person i was a year or two ago, and i look back, not with a "what was i thinking" attitude, but an appreciative one. i am so thankful for the good and bad times that have taught me so much about life, love, friendship, and happiness. i can't imagine what kind of life i would have if a change of events in the past would've kept me from meeting any of my friends that i rely on so much now, on a daily basis for my sanity and security. i'm thankful for everything that has brought me to where i am today. i have amazing friends, who are not merely acquaintances, but more like family, who i love and can trust with my life.

there's one person who i have grown to love on such an amazing level, who i would like to address:
i've told you this. but every time that i tell you i love you, i'm not simply repeating a nice phrase to be paired with "goodbye" when talking on the phone, nor am i speaking words of no substance. every time i say i love you, i am telling you that you are a friend i couldn't have lived without in the past, and one i can't live without now. i am reminding you that i will be there not for you, but with you, in the good times and the bad. and i'm telling you that as a friend, i completely trust you, and support you in whatever decisions you make in the future. i won't hesitate to tell you when you're doing something stupid, and know that you'll do the same for me. every time i tell you that i love you, i mean it.