i'm an old abandoned church

with broken pews,
and empty aisles

i've recently come to the realization that i have no idea what i want to do with my life. i fucked up my first semester of college so badly that i'm going to have to take a 5th year to even graduate. my gpa is 0.867, and there's really no way to fix that. i don't even know if this is worth my time, really. college isn't for everyone, so is it for me? i know i can do it, i know i can push myself to the limit, but at what cost? i spend the next 5 years of my life in college, while trying to work a part time job on the side, graduate with a gpa that will never be good enough because i fucked it up so badly already, and then try to find a full time job to pay back $40,000 worth in student loans. none of that appeals to me. i would much rather find a full time job in a restaurant or something, drop out of college, and actually live my life with no agenda other than work, save money, and spend money.

it's a bittersweet symphony, this life. try to make ends meet, you're a slave to money, then you die.

this is a decision that can drastically alter the rest of my life, and i have no idea what i should do. i'm going insane.